I have tried my best to define freedom and have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as absolute freedom.  There are "freedoms" per say, but no all encompassing "freedom" that people speak of as a virtue when discussing why this country is great or what it is we fight for.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines freedom as such:

freedom /fre'edem/ n. 1 condition of being free or unrestricted. 2 personal or civic liberty; absence of slave status. 3 power of self-determination; quality of not being controlled by fate or necessity. 4 state of being free to act. 5 condition of being exempt from. 6 unrestricted use of (facilities, etc.)

As I read these definitions I was amazed at how far from any of them actual reality was these days.  "The condition of being free or unrestricted" is very limited in society.  Sure. There are certain "freedoms" that we as Americans enjoy, but considering I cannot even park my project car in my own driveway because of the restrictions of my city, it is easy to see how the all encompassing idea of freedom is lacking with the incredible amounts of legal and political interference on every level.

There are definitely certain "freedoms" that can be achieved, such as the freedom to work where you want, the freedom to eat what and where you want, the freedom to speak your mind (just watch what you say). There are political freedoms, societal freedoms, and personal freedoms that are definitely attainable, but this overlying concept of "freedom" is non-existent.

In my struggles with the reality of fighting a government that refuses to listen to science or medical professionals regarding the safe use of cannabis, I have come to realize that what is described as "freedom" is really just certain allowed "privileges," that can be taken from you regarding certain behaviors, lack of resources, and disabilities that impair freedoms.

It would seem obvious to me in a common sense thought that one should be "free" to medicate in ways that provide relief from the many ailments in life.  But bad policy, governmental interference, and blatant lies continue to hinder people's unalienable right to medicate in ways that are safe and effective in conjunction with a doctor's approval.  This is a blatant disregard to civil liberties and freedom that is beyond me.  How can we say we live in "the land of the free" when we are constantly bogged down and enslaved to the failed policies of decades of bad governing.

I do understand that there are certain freedoms I have given up in negotiations with the Federal Government, as I have been deemed a criminal for my actions in providing medicine.  I have given up my 4th amendment right, as I had to agree to allow for search of my home, vehicle, or person at any time as a condition of my bail.  I have given up my right to a fair trial, as there is no such thing relating to medical cannabis, and I would be fighting an uphill battle and facing ridiculous mandatory minimums for my role in providing medicine.  I have given up my freedom to own a firearm.  My freedom to vote.  My freedom to medicate.  My freedom regarding drug testing.  My freedom to travel where I want.  My freedom of having a passport. My freedom of walking down the street to get the paper without feeling as if I am being followed.  And that is all pre-sentencing.

At sentencing I may lose my freedom to be with my family.  To live in my house.  To run my businesses.  To eat what I want. To go outside when I want.  To come and go as I please. To wear what I want and to be who I am.  These freedoms, or privileges, may be removed at the discretion of a judge that knows me very little.  That has no idea who I am and what my beliefs are.  It is scary to think that I may lose everything that is considered "freedom" based on ridiculous laws that restrict a persons god-given freedom to medicate and feel better.

Yes.  My discoveries have lead me to believe that there is no such thing as absolute freedom without restriction.  There are many different kinds of "freedoms," all of which can be taken away if deemed to be proper punishment for acting too "freely".  It is a twisted set of rules that tend to play to the lowest common denominator and we see our "freedoms" consistently becoming far and few between.  What can we do?

I am not saying that everyone should be allowed to do anything they want, but let us quit bullshitting ourselves in saying we live in the land of the free.  It is just not true.  "Freedom" by definition is a myth at best.  I enjoy my "freedoms" and will miss them when they are gone.  I already do.  I will have to tell my sons that regrettably "freedom" is dead. What was once taken for granted has become a very difficult thing to define, because it is not attainable in this society.  I will tell them that they must enjoy their individual freedoms, and fight vigorously to keep the few freedoms we seem to have left.  I will teach them to work hard to begin finding ways of achieving greater freedoms and work diligently on restoring the many freedoms that continue to dissipate with time.  We all must define what freedom means on general principle and collectively begin a process that will help instill a future that truly embraces the idea of "freedoms" and makes every effort to see that they are protected with honor and pride.

I remember the day my first son was born, as if it were today.  It was the happiest and the scariest day of my life.  I have always wanted to be a father and at that moment, on that day, my dreams were coming true and I remember feeling overwhelmed by joy and overwhelmed by fear all at the same time.  It is a feeling that only a person who is lucky enough to have children can understand.

My father was a great man that always had a funny joke to share and a story for any occasion.  He was absent for much of my life, as I grew up in a broken home with over a thousand miles between my father and I.  I would visit the old man in New York during my younger years, spending summers, spring breaks and holidays with him when I could, but there was no predominant father figure in my life for most of my days.  It was a void that was unexplainable and left me often searching for who I was as a man, a son, a brother, and a friend.  There were many moments in life that I feel could have been better if I had a father to rely on to give me a swift kick in the ass every once in a while, but we cannot pick and choose the hand life deals us.

Now here I was with a son of my own and I began to immediately panic that I was incapable of giving this young spirit the devotion and attention that I longed for in my life.  I knew nothing about being a father, as I had no role model to base my actions upon and no guidance of what was the "right" path to take in raising this child.  I am a confident person that believes in my ability to succeed, but I could  not imagine what I would do with myself if I in some way failed my children and was also absent from their lives.

It has been over four years since the day my first son was born, and obviously things have not been perfect, but I am still working daily on how to be a better father, a better husband, and a role model that my sons can look to for guidance.  It amazes me to see the world through the eyes of these boys as I go through this struggle with justice.  

When we were first beginning the court process we were explaining to Tyler about court and how he needed to be respectful and quiet when the Judge was in the room.  He asked a simple question that took me back and made me think.  "What is a Judge?" he asked.  I told him that was a very good question and after a minute of pondering I told him it was a person that was appointed to make decisions about rules and decide what was fair and just. This simple question from a four-year-old boy made me understand my duty as his father, his mentor, and his guide on this journey called life.  I was there to shape his very being, his outlook, and the way he perceives the world around him.

He asked me why we had to go and see the judge so many times, and as a father whose instinct is to protect his child, I told him I was a lawyer.  I could not let him know that his daddy was in trouble, as I did not want him to experience the fear that keeps me awake night after night. 

I was lucky enough to manage his little league team for his first season of baseball this year and on the team was a black child named Jordan.  I was speaking with my wife about Jordan and Tyler asked, "Which one is Jordan?"  I began to say "the black boy," but caught myself, as I understood that Tyler had no idea what that meant and that I was not going to be the one to introduce him to the differences our world instills upon race and ethnicity.  I was happy he had no clue and his innocence of the world made me wonder where we all had gone astray.  When did we wake up and realize that we were not all humans?

My one-year-old boy, Lucas, is beginning to walk and talk and I know that he too has many questions that I must do my best to answer in a manner that is consistent with the way I want my sons to see the world.  I can already tell that Lucas is going to be the funny guy of the family, as he stares at me with the devilish look my father would get when telling an off-color joke or pulling a prank.  I see my own father in his face on certain days, when he looks at me puzzled, angry, or with a silly grin and I know somewhere the old man is cheering me on, hoping things turn out better for me than they did for him.  

That is all we can hope for as a father is to give our children the opportunity to succeed in ways we were never capable of.  I am a huge fan of the Kennedy family and see myself as somewhat of a Joe Kennedy.  My choices in life may not lead me to be President, but I will do everything in my power to give my boys the opportunity to make it to the top if that is what they choose to do.  I will raise them as ambassadors for our family, ambassadors for society, and give them the belief and confidence that they can and should change the world for the better.

The one question I am still working on answering for my son is a real doozy.  "What is freedom?" he asked the other day as we were watching Barak Obama's speech on television.  I told him I would have to get back to him on that one, as I was not quite sure I understood at this moment in my personal history.  But believe that it is my honor, as his father, to do my best to figure it out and give him a truthful and informative answer.  So on this father's day I am doing some soul searching and trying to figure out what freedom is and how I can ensure it is a rock solid concept that my children can use to change the world.

 

The world keeps on turning no matter what I do to try and stop it.  I have kicked and screamed.  I have pleaded with the universe.  I have hoped for a miracle.  All to no avail.  My fate is inevitable.  I will be sentenced as a criminal and "tainted" for life by the experiences I have endured throughout this process.

A wise man once said, "Fate is seldom wrong," but I must say that I am fearful for what it may bring to my life as I go before the courts to receive my sentencing for providing medical cannabis to patients in California.  I am scared to find the answer that I truly do not want to know.  What will be my punishment?  Will I be dragged away from my family and imprisoned for my acts of compassion?  Will my children be forced to move away from their lives in order to sustain while I am away?  Will I be placed in a facility close enough to visit them?  Do I even want them to visit me in a place surrounded by razor wire and armed guards?  Have I made a terrible mistake that will scar my family's future forever?  These are the thoughts that I stay up thinking about night after night.

I am a true believer in my cause and refuse to regret one day of my life.  I am a person who is passionate and caring, and I believe my actions were noble and justified.  I can wish that things were different and wish that destiny had chose an easier path for myself and my family, but I know that there are certain forces at play that have given me this challenge to use as a tool for learning and growth.  It is often difficult to see the path fate chooses when in the midst of chaos and turmoil, but we must have faith that this too shall turn out to be a positive experience in some way.

It is difficult to give up control and realize that fate, destiny, or whatever is just bigger than my small little place in history.  To understand that our experiences are what makes us who we are and to embrace both the positive and the negative experiences as building blocks of my life allows me to free myself from the anger, frustration, and disappointment of my current situation.  No, I cannot stop the world from spinning and each day that passes brings me one step closer to my appointment with fate.  I shall embrace the future for whatever it may bring and hope that destiny shines down upon me for just one short day of justice.  

“It’s because you have an obligation to yourself,” Obama said. “Because our individual salvation depends on collective salvation. Because thinking only about yourself, fulfilling your immediate wants and needs, betrays a poverty of ambition. Because it’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential and discover the role you’ll play in writing the next great chapter in America’s story.” 

To the Honorable Judge Wilken: My name is Elinor Rhiannon Clark Martin. I have two children, Tyler James Clark Martin and Lucas Michael Clark Martin. My husband’s name is Michael John Clark Martin. I am writing to you because my family is in danger, and I am hoping that you will show compassion and leniency to Mickey Martin. It has been almost a year since this nightmare started for our family. We have had to take Tyler out of a preschool that he loved, and that loved him. We have had to move to a new house, and a new city. There has been a remarkable amount of stress put on my husband, Mickey, and on our family. To say that the past seven and a half months has been difficult is an understatement. And there is the horrific possibility that the worse is still to come. I am terrified and unbearably frightened that I may have to explain to my four year old son that his father is going to be going away from us, and going to a place where bad people are sent. I can’t imagine trying to explain to Tyler that even though his father is a good person, and he is an amazing person, the possibility is there that he is going to have to go to this terrible place; somewhere where people who hurt and kill other people are sent. Mickey is a good person, an amazing person. I have known Mickey for twelve years now. He likes to say that after meeting me for the first time (I was interviewing him for a job), he went home and told his roommate that he met the woman he was going to marry. And he was correct, although it took eleven years and a failed marriage before it happened. Before it did however, I was able to have Mickey as a very close friend, He had this energy, this stamina, this drive that I had never seen in anyone before and have never seen since. My mother once said about Mickey, “When something needs to be done, you turn around and Mickey has either finished it, or he is working on getting it finished, but you don’t have to worry because he will get it done.” I admire how much, and consistently how much more and more Mickey gives to the people around him. There are few people in Mickey’s life, and in my own family, that he has not helped in some way. When my father and stepmother moved away ten years ago, Mickey was there to pack up the entire contents of their house into the moving truck, almost by himself. When Mickey’s mother became incapable of caring for herself, Mickey made sure to find a reliable caretaker for her, and to take on the financial expense of that care. From co-signing loans, to offering his couch to a friend in need, Mickey has been there for anyone and everyone he has ever known, anyone who needed him. One of the proudest achievements in my life has been working my way through college, and graduating with honors, and not only working, but working full time the entire way through college. That sense of pride was duplicated, if not surpassed, when I was able to watch Mickey graduate with honors, after working his way through college, with the added stressors of caring for his sick mother, and still being a strong and present father to his child. Both Mickey and I come from single parent households. When we started our own family, having the two of us working together, being together, being here for our children, was of the utmost importance to us. I think the fractured family life he experienced growing up made him that much more certain that he wanted to have a strong family, one that felt whole and solid to everyone involved. I am happy to say that I believe we have been able to achieve that. Tyler and Lucas love their father, need their father, and wouldn’t be the same without their father. When we brought our first child home, Mickey asked me if I wanted to go back to work, or if I wanted to stay home and care for the baby. I told him that I wanted to stay home, take care of Tyler myself instead of putting him into childcare, if it was at all possible. Mickey then did everything he could, and continues to do everything he can, in order to ensure that I am fortunate enough to stay at home with my children. Being able to stay at home with my children has been challenging, I would be lying if I said otherwise, but it is something that I wouldn’t trade for the world. My eldest son Tyler is currently playing little league baseball, and is lucky enough to have his father be the coach. They recently played their final regular season game, and are now headed to the playoffs, a concept that Tyler doesn’t quite understand, but which thrills Mickey to no end. After we returned home, Mickey shared a story with me; he and Tyler were the last ones to leave the field, after putting everything away, and he stopped in the middle of the field, and told his son how much he enjoyed this first year of baseball they spent together, gave Tyler a hug, and thought to himself, this is what it is all about, this is what it is all for. This, I feel, illustrates how important being a father is to him. I honestly feel that Mickey has been waiting his whole life to be this person, a father, not just a father, but a Father to his children. There is nothing more important in this world to Mickey than his family. A few months into this whole tragedy, Mickey came to me in tears. He was so worried that he had let me and the kids down, that he had failed as a father and husband. I told him then, and still believe now, that he in no way has failed this family. My husband truly believes that what he was doing was beneficial to the countless people who used these products. I don’t think that I could still be living this nightmare with him if I didn’t know that to be true. The Mickey that I know, the caring and loving person who curses like a sailor but will give you the shoes off his feet, operated under the ideal that his actions would bring peace to those who needed it. And for this reason alone, I found it effortless to stand by him while he worked within the cannabis community, and I find it effortless to stand by him now, and help him get through whatever else comes our way. One of our greatest achievements has been creating a strong and loving family. I know that Mickey, Tyler, Lucas and I can get through any obstacle that comes our way. However, words cannot express what Mickey brings to our family’s life on a daily basis. He is the rock we lean on, the light we use to guide ourselves by, and the standard by which we judge ourselves. I am lucky to know Mickey, to have him as my partner, and sincerely hope that you treat Michael John Clark Martin with leniency; his family needs him at home. Sincerely yours, Elinor Clark Martin