As the wheels of justice turn one becomes frustrated with the uncertainty of your future. You become paralized with anxiety and find yourself lost in a world of confusing rhetoric. You eventually come to a fork in the road and it is important to make such decisions in a wise and well though manner. We are facing charges that could carry a penalty of 20 years with mandatory minimums in place and up to a million dollars each in fines. You are offered a deal that would eliminate a manditory minimum but still leave your fate in the hands of an unknown judge that may or may not be sympathetic to medical cannabis and that is really scary. the alternative is even scarier, as one ponder raising his two sons from a prison visiting room for 10 plus years. I begin to hyperventalate. My thoughts go numb. I am like a deer in the headlights. You attempt to carry on with life, but every waking minute is plagued with thoughts of the future and what the best choice for you and your family may be. My thoughts continue to flutter. yes. No. Yes. No. You want to be an idealist. You want to stand up for what you truly know to be right and it kills you to think of admitting guilt when you know you have done nothing wrong. You continue to think about your life and what you have seen and done. I do not regret a single moment of my time being involved with medical cannabis. I have never learned more. It is not often that you get to stand up for something you believe in strongly and make a difference in human rights and freedom. I have been blessed by my experiences over the years and this experience is no different. Although it is a difficult decision to make the future of my family is at stake and it sucks. You must find some compromise. There must be a way to "Die with Dignity", in this case DEAth is my giving up my rights and fredoms in an attempt to salvage my future. What is the right thing to do. Only time can tell. My mind is riddled with options and uncertainty. Life is what we make of it and it is pivotal moments like this in ones history that will forever become a fabric in the identity of who someone becomes for the rest of ones life. I am exhausted with what may be and continue to function in this cloud of fear, sadness, and anger over the entire situation The one thing I can be sure of is that I can wake up everyday and look at myself in the mirror and be proud of what I have been able to accomplish and what we have been able to do for the advancement of medical cannabis theraputics. The rest of it is out of my hands. I will either deal or not deal. That remains to be seen. It is beyond me at this point, but everyday gets a little easier and my sons get a little cuter, which is nice.