It has been a minute since I wrote anything, as I have been keeping quite busy with managing my kid's little league team, developing my party rental business, and working on houses to pay the bills.  I must say I have been a bit distracted and in deep thought about the realities I must face in my life concerning my future and my family.  My deep emotional state has left me speechless at times, and I am constantly worried about what sentence I will receive for my role in providing safe and effective medicinal edibles for patients in California.

My mental slumber has been awoken by the rumblings in the community regarding the prosecution and open debate surrounding medical cannabis.  On the one hand the operators of California Health Care Collective were convicted this week of a charge that carries a minimum of twenty years in prison, and several other charges.  I was amazed to think that we, as a society, would stand for anyone receiving such crazy sentences for anything regarding cannabis, medicinal or not.  Granted, the operators probably did not make the best choices on some fronts, but when it comes down to it we are still talking about plants.  I was inspired in the beginning of the trial when at least for the first time in Federal Court "Medical marijuana" was mentioned in the court setting, but unfortunately it was not enough to avoid convictions.  I never had a chance to meet either of these defendants, but all I could think of was, "Wow. Look at these young mens lives ruined for providing cannabis.  Something has got to give.  There must be common sense somewhere in this world."  But at the end of the day, I was glad I had chosen to accept a plea deal for my charges, and no matter what my fate may hold, I have avoided missing a decade of my life for principal, as sometimes life is just not fair.  I am reaffirmed that "mandatory" means just that, and I am glad to have no part of that.

On another front, Barak Obama spoke out clearly in favor of allowing states with medical cannabis laws to adopt their own policy and operate as sovereign governing bodies regarding law enforcement within the state borders.  This is a man who has a good shot at being the next president, and hopefully setting a tone for more sound government policy relating to cannabis as a medicine.  The science is there, but until we have the support of the government to allow proper research and lift the stigma associated with cannabis the research is simply paperwork.  The great people of the state of California have been very brave to stand up for the medical cannabis community.  It is refreshing to hear a serious presidential frontrunner speaking sensibly about the resources wasted on enforcing medical cannabis prohibition and the need for medical professionals and scientists alike to explore the possibilities of cannabis therapies.  That is all we really ask for.  As a patient and former provider facing serious jail time for producing non-smoked forms of cannabis ingestion for medical use, I am hopeful for the sensibility that seems to be lingering on the horizon.

The truth is that there is no true "reality" of my situation and that I am still ultimately confused how I got here.  I am proud of my work in the community, but angry at the trouble that it has brought about for my family.  I am hopeful for the small victories and changing policies we continue to see regarding medical cannabis, but am still worried that change does not move fast enough to help my situation or the many that have come before me.  I continue to be amazed at watching my children grow daily before my eyes, but am fearful for the state of the universe, as they will inherit whatever world we choose to leave them.  I am optimistic, while somehow holding on to a tinge of pessimism that I have developed since this situation occurred.  Reality is what it is.  I am probably going to jail.  My family will be put under great stress without my help.  I will be forced to barely survive and hope that somewhere a miracle will come and make all of this go away.  That will most likely not happen.  But hey.  I have been down before, and from what it sounds like I am not alone. The entire world seems to be struggling to keep their heads above water.  But when the dust settles, just know, I will be back up again because all I know how to do is keep on moving and making the world a better place.  The reality of the reality is that there is not much reality at all anymore.  As long as I know the rules, I can usually figure out how to win the game.  This historic battle with justice and morality will be no different.