I remember the day my first son was born, as if it were today.  It was the happiest and the scariest day of my life.  I have always wanted to be a father and at that moment, on that day, my dreams were coming true and I remember feeling overwhelmed by joy and overwhelmed by fear all at the same time.  It is a feeling that only a person who is lucky enough to have children can understand.

My father was a great man that always had a funny joke to share and a story for any occasion.  He was absent for much of my life, as I grew up in a broken home with over a thousand miles between my father and I.  I would visit the old man in New York during my younger years, spending summers, spring breaks and holidays with him when I could, but there was no predominant father figure in my life for most of my days.  It was a void that was unexplainable and left me often searching for who I was as a man, a son, a brother, and a friend.  There were many moments in life that I feel could have been better if I had a father to rely on to give me a swift kick in the ass every once in a while, but we cannot pick and choose the hand life deals us.

Now here I was with a son of my own and I began to immediately panic that I was incapable of giving this young spirit the devotion and attention that I longed for in my life.  I knew nothing about being a father, as I had no role model to base my actions upon and no guidance of what was the "right" path to take in raising this child.  I am a confident person that believes in my ability to succeed, but I could  not imagine what I would do with myself if I in some way failed my children and was also absent from their lives.

It has been over four years since the day my first son was born, and obviously things have not been perfect, but I am still working daily on how to be a better father, a better husband, and a role model that my sons can look to for guidance.  It amazes me to see the world through the eyes of these boys as I go through this struggle with justice.  

When we were first beginning the court process we were explaining to Tyler about court and how he needed to be respectful and quiet when the Judge was in the room.  He asked a simple question that took me back and made me think.  "What is a Judge?" he asked.  I told him that was a very good question and after a minute of pondering I told him it was a person that was appointed to make decisions about rules and decide what was fair and just. This simple question from a four-year-old boy made me understand my duty as his father, his mentor, and his guide on this journey called life.  I was there to shape his very being, his outlook, and the way he perceives the world around him.

He asked me why we had to go and see the judge so many times, and as a father whose instinct is to protect his child, I told him I was a lawyer.  I could not let him know that his daddy was in trouble, as I did not want him to experience the fear that keeps me awake night after night. 

I was lucky enough to manage his little league team for his first season of baseball this year and on the team was a black child named Jordan.  I was speaking with my wife about Jordan and Tyler asked, "Which one is Jordan?"  I began to say "the black boy," but caught myself, as I understood that Tyler had no idea what that meant and that I was not going to be the one to introduce him to the differences our world instills upon race and ethnicity.  I was happy he had no clue and his innocence of the world made me wonder where we all had gone astray.  When did we wake up and realize that we were not all humans?

My one-year-old boy, Lucas, is beginning to walk and talk and I know that he too has many questions that I must do my best to answer in a manner that is consistent with the way I want my sons to see the world.  I can already tell that Lucas is going to be the funny guy of the family, as he stares at me with the devilish look my father would get when telling an off-color joke or pulling a prank.  I see my own father in his face on certain days, when he looks at me puzzled, angry, or with a silly grin and I know somewhere the old man is cheering me on, hoping things turn out better for me than they did for him.  

That is all we can hope for as a father is to give our children the opportunity to succeed in ways we were never capable of.  I am a huge fan of the Kennedy family and see myself as somewhat of a Joe Kennedy.  My choices in life may not lead me to be President, but I will do everything in my power to give my boys the opportunity to make it to the top if that is what they choose to do.  I will raise them as ambassadors for our family, ambassadors for society, and give them the belief and confidence that they can and should change the world for the better.

The one question I am still working on answering for my son is a real doozy.  "What is freedom?" he asked the other day as we were watching Barak Obama's speech on television.  I told him I would have to get back to him on that one, as I was not quite sure I understood at this moment in my personal history.  But believe that it is my honor, as his father, to do my best to figure it out and give him a truthful and informative answer.  So on this father's day I am doing some soul searching and trying to figure out what freedom is and how I can ensure it is a rock solid concept that my children can use to change the world.