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On September 26th when I heard DEA Agents were in the process of raiding us I began to experience a huge sense of loss. I felt that something we had built upon for so long had just been arbitrarily wiped away by the cold and callous hand of the government. Not just Tainted per say, but a large piece of the movement as well. You begin to experience the sensation that must be felt, as you watch a home you built with your own hand be washed down a hill by a mudslide. First it is like a dream and you tell yourself, "This is not happening." And then as it is inevitable that it is happening, you begin to see what can be salvaged and what cannot. Unfortunately there is not a lot to salvage in a situation like this, as your personal property, freedom, and dignity are simultaneously stripped from you. You look at the crumbled pile at the bottom of the hill and just keep saying, "It will be okay" whether you believe it or not. And then as the sense of loss begins to become more and more of a reality, you realize that you have been decimated and that it is time to begin the rebuilding process. That is where I am coming to now. Trying to reinvent myself and find a new voice in the movement and a new place in the world. I understand that I am not alone and the wonderful showing of support has really helped me to make it through the tough times. Every kind word and phone call really means a lot these days, as I struggle to find meaning in my life right now. I am confident in my abilities and even thought the uncertainty of the legal system looms eerily over my head, I am resolute to begin again and find the path of redemption and make lemonade from these lemons. I will push the rock up the hill again and no matter what happens in that court room I will move on with my life. Success will be my sweetest revenge. Learning to cope with the anxieties of the situation is a must, as the stress can begin to consume a person if allowed. But we do know one thing. When knocked all the way down, we have no where to go but up, so here we come. Watch out world. We have a full head of steam and a chip on our shoulder. They have won the battle, but we will win the war. To the juvenile delinquents that work for the DEA, I know you are reading this, so I promise you this. You may have violently raided our lives, you have shot a dog in the process, you destroyed my property in the name of so-called justice, you stole my truck, you lied to the world about me and there is 27 pages on google to prove it, you have continually harassed my friends and family and landlords, you have tossed my kids rooms, you have destroyed my financial situation, you have scared my family and made my friends quit talking to me, you have left me for dead. BUT I PROMISE YOU THIS. I WILL BE BACK ON TOP. YOU HAVE NOT KILLED MY SPIRIT. YOU NEVER WILL. I HAVE HEART AND A LOT OF IT. I consider this an opportunity to rebuild, retool, and restructure my life. So watch out because here I come.